I wish we could stop.

I guess now you know that I’ve lived in Cambodia. I guess the more you read, the more you know.

I remember, not long after I moved there, that I was biking one day. This was in the afternoon, and afternoons in Cambodia were so beautiful. And I remember peering up to the sky and seeing a massive storm cloud, the size of a neighborhood, slowly swirling into a vortex.

Call me dramatic, but I think this was pathetic fallacy for my life to come. My life was a storm in Cambodia. And you can look at storms in different ways; some people hate the rain, some people love the rain. Some people feel the bass of thunder and love it, others detest it.

In Cambodia, I constantly switched between love and hate for my life there. Of course, it also depended on the day. But being a third-culture child, I always wondered about home – where was it?

Home is where your heart is.

To me Cambodia was a place where I could fall in love with God.

When you think of God, do you think about having a relationship with him?

The conditions weren’t exactly candlelight and jazz music. I fell in love with God, because conditions weren’t happy, because things weren’t right, because life was tough.

I suffered through addiction. Not addiction of narcotics, but addiction to myself. I struggled with staying pure. Many of my friends there, had addictions to narcotics. Alcohol and Mary Jane were popular.

I never really faced what I felt with them doing those things.

I felt hurt, depressed. I was in pain, because I grew up with these friends, lingered souls with them, and saw their hearts slowly turn into something that I did not know anymore. It was a metaphysical change that was too difficult to watch.

Yes, in the coming of an increasing liberal age, we can say that the morals of these things are controversial and confusing. But to me, that’s not the point.

It could have been selfish of me, but I wished that they stopped, because they knew it hurt me. Because they knew I didn’t like it.

But then I realized, that my addiction was the same to God. Nevermind, who is right or wrong, but their is someone out their that hates to see this happen to you.

If your seeking pleasure in wrong places, because you aren’t happy, you know there is something wrong.

So one day, I hope they’ll understand that. I don’t know if they will. And one day I hope I’ll understand that.

In Cambodia I lingered my soul with God’s spirit. I woke up.

And I hope, I can help other people wake up too.